Feelin' Earthy

Earth Day is like a birthday- sad if we only take one day out of 365 to celebrate, but it's a start. I think we should celebrate unbirthdays for people, too. Imagine if we were all showered with cards and phone calls and gifts at the 6 month mark between birthdays. It would be one more day to feel loved, without the pressure of having a new age to contend with. But I digress...

Every day is Earth Day around here. We recycle like mad (I am known as the recycling Nazi by several), eat largely FLOSS (fresh, local, organic, seasonal, sustainable), reuse/donate/ repurpose, use stainless steel reuseable water bottles, use compact fluorescent light bulbs, reuseable shopping bags, biodegradeable/earth friendly detergents/shampoo, we have been slowly ridding our house of plastic... But every day I feel consumed with all I'm NOT doing.

We eat bananas, which, although organic, can hardly be considered local (unless you happen to live in South America). Disposable baby wipes and diapers. I color my hair. We use a ton of plastic. Saran wrap. We don't compost! The list is endless...

My sister has 2 kids, a job, and is super active in her community, yet still manages to make ten times the effort of most people when it comes to living green. Both of her kids never used a disposable diaper, never used disposable baby wipes. They walk or bike almost everywhere, they recycle like nobody's business, are vegetarian... Honestly, she is truly inspiring.

My lifelong friend of 35 years started a blog recently about her quest to move from greener to greenest. Check it out: crazygreenmom.blogspot.com . She is taking on challenges that we should really all be doing. People can get turned off by this, but I hope it inspires you as it does me. I tell myself all the time, I'm doing my best, and while sometimes its true, very often that is just something we tell ourselves to avoid doing the necessary work. I don't know a single person who can't do even a tiny bit more to leave less of a dent in the environment.

Baking

No sooner do I blog about my shameful history (or lack thereof) in the kitchen, but I get a compliment about my culinary prowess. A mom friend from school- an amazing homemaker who cooks/gardens/sews/keeps the cleanest house I have EVER seen- shared this:

Her son was telling his dad about the day at school and said "C's mom (aka me) made muffins, and they were so good I ate two!" The dad's response to his wife (aka Supermom/Superwife) was "K makes muffins AND she has two kids?! YOU don't make me muffins..."

Sigh... Grass is always greener, no? I'm greedy enough that I'll take that compliment even at the expense of my dear friend. (Tongue firmly planted in cheek.)

Cooking

I am not known as a cook. This is the understatement of the year. I would be happy grazing in lieu of meals, just snacking my way through every day. However, I have kids, and therefore, we have meals. Putting meals on the table is a torturous enterprise for me. The meal planning, the timing of it all, the strategizing: what will the kids eat that is somewhat different from what we ate the night before and the night before that and the night before that...

I have friends who either don't comment on their cooking abilities or else profess to be wonderful in the kitchen. If anyone asks me, and often when they don't, I say that I'm a terrible cook. But that isn't necessarily true. WHEN I actually cook, it usually tastes pretty good. But getting to the actual cooking, and getting through the actual process, is a stressful undertaking for me (and for my husband!).

I get the humble aspect: I was raised by 2 people who don't believe in tooting their own horns. But in 17 years away from home, I keep telling myself the same story. "I suck at cooking! I hate it! I have no ideas!" Why?

Is it because my mom was such a good cook that I fear I can't live up to her?
Because I'm lazy?
Because I'm a creature of habit?
Because the list of what my big girl (and I!)won't eat is longer than the list of what we will eat?
Because I'm a feminist and cringe at being good at something that is traditionally women's work?
Because eating isn't a priority to me?
Because I'm a bad wife?
Because I have low self esteem?
Because I overthink everything?

Because, because, because, because, because!

Date Night

Saturday night was date night, and since both kids are sleeping through the night now, I was finally up for both dinner and a movie, for the first time in years. I betray our demographic when I tell you that I chose "Date Night" as the movie. Tina Fey, Steve Carrell- two of the most adorable, attractive, hilarious people on the planet (both celebrity crushes of mine), playing a married couple with two kids, just like R and me. It seemed too good to be true, and I was so scared that I'd be disappointed.

I needn't have worried. I laughed harder watching that movie than I have in a long time, and keep in mind, I have small children who do funny things every day. I laughed so hard that my theater seat squeaked away uncontrollably. I laughed so hard I thought I would choke.

That movie may well have been written about me. When Steve (hubby) asks Tina (wife) if she dreams about leaving him to have sex with other men, and she responds that she dreams of running off to a hotel to enjoy a quiet sandwich with a diet Sprite, I thought, EXACTLY! It's actually embarassing how much I relate to her character in that movie.

For days, I have been laughing out loud to myself as I remember different scenes and moments. If you are married with kids, see it.

Beyond Belief

My family makes me happy beyond belief. My husband is thoughtful and considerate, and my kids are to die for! The girls are funny, sweet, affectionate, smart, and sooooooooo creative. I hope the affectionate part sticks. I'll miss that when they are older and not so into snuggling with their mom.

Dixie

Dixie Carter passed away one week ago. Although I hadn't seen her in 8 years, it made me very sad. I was Dixie's stand-in on the TV show "Family Law" for 3 years, and although we did not grow close enough to stay in touch upon the show's cancellation, I enjoyed working with her during those years.

What I remember most about Dixie is that she LOVED LOVED LOVED her family. She talked about her husband, Hal Holbrook, constantly, and clearly adored the man. At that point, they had been married for 20 years, and her eyes gleamed like a teenager in love when she spoke of him. Hal guest starred on an episode of Family Law, and she was the happiest she had ever been on set that week. Literally glowed, lit up at anything to do with Hal. Pretty amazing.

9/11 happened during the run of FL, and I remember her worrying desperately about one of her daughters who was either in New York or en route to New York. She was beside herself, stressed out. She really was a genuinely maternal woman. One of her daughters played Dixie's daughter on the show. Several episodes later, the TV daughter was killed off and Dixie insisted that the role be recast. She absolutely refused to play a scene with her dying daughter, said she just wouldn't be able to handle it. At the time, I didn't understand, I just thought "You're an actress, for goodness sake... ACT!" Now I get it. She loved her kids so much and couldn't even go there.

As you can probably imagine, she was the ultimate Southern Belle. Seriously! Such a LADY. Feminine through and through. Kind and charming and girlish, although she was already 60. Wafer thin with flawless skin. She could have passed for 40, but I was also surprised to hear she was "only" 70 when she died, because it felt as though she had been on TV forever.

The purpose of a stand-in is to be around when the actors aren't, so often we were the proverbial two ships passing in the night. But she always had a kind word for me, which may not sound like much, but trust me, many actresses don't have a word at all for their stand-in, particularly one who is 30 some years younger. Since she was 60ish, she had had it with the ridiculously long hours we worked on that show, so often she would go home and I would play her part for the other actor's coverage (close-ups). This gave me a chance to shine as an actress in front of the directors and producers, which led to me getting 3 on camera roles on the show.

My final role on Family Law was in what ended up as our final episode ever, and I had the great pleasure of fighting with Dixie in the scene. I played a nurse caring for Ernest Borgnine, and Dixie played his lawyer. My mother in law had two comments after watching that episode: first, "I didn't see you" (I was blonde at the time and she apparently didn't recognize me), and then, after rewinding and rewatching: "You were awfully snippy to Dixie Carter!".

Rest in peace, with love from your stand-in.

From Sunshiney to Blue and back again

I've been feeling great lately. Sleeping through the night sure helps with the attitude adjustment. Then, out of nowhere, a day of deflation. Someone saying something to take the wind out of my sails, tantrums by the kids, feeling like I'm never, ever enough.

Depression, eff right off! I know you well enough to consider you an old friend, but although we are well acquainted, I know better than to call you friend. The enumeration of all of the ways in which I am failing my kids, my husband, myself are utterly endless, and I am sick to death of hearing them replayed in my mind AD NAUSEUM.

It is nauseating, truly. I have a great life, with the best family anyone could ever hope for. I know this. So why does this happen again and again and again? Whenever something goes awry I feel like its the end of the world, and I then I feel like the end of the world is all my fault.

This time, as quickly as the dark cloud formed above my head, it dispersed, and the world is looking sunny again. The question is: next time this happens, will I remember THIS TOO SHALL PASS.

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