Addictions

(*written late at night on Monday)

Today I discovered that I'm addicted to caffeine. This seems like the most boring of statements, considering that most people are addicted to caffeine. But, me? Really?! I'm the stick in the mud who doesn't even drink coffee. Correction: I occasionally drink caramel frappuccinos with tons of whipped cream, and I had a major fit when Starbucks stopped making them decaf. But that was feeding my sugar addiction...

Leave it to Trader Joe's to get me addicted. They make a chai tea latte mix that is out of this world- spicy, sugary... delectable. I started off slow- decaf. The switch to regular wasn't intentional- they just stopped making the decaf, and by the time they stopped with the decaf, I was already craving it. I've been drinking it on an occasional basis for a couple of years now. Except that suddenly, like all addictions, it wasn't so occasional anymore. My casual dalliance with caffeine suddenly became a daily event.

I can actually quantify, to some degree, my chai addiction. I'm a preschool mom AND an unstoppable recycler, so I have literally bags off coffee tins (my husband's) and chai cans (mine)waiting to be turned into adorable preschool crafts. Let's just say that I have more than enough for the entire class.

(Today) we were running late for school, and I skipped my morning chai. The day was busy, so I held off. I kept wondering why I was dragging my butt all day long. It finally occurred to me around 3pm: Oh my gosh. I'm one of them! I've become a caffeine-withdrawal-zombie, stomping through the day in a fog because I didn't get my fix.

This may seem like a frothy little anecdote about my appetites, but I really believe it speaks to something bigger. Those who know me well know that I don't drink. Not just "I don't drink more than a glass or 2 of wine, socially". I mean, I really don't drink. And I'm not a friend of Bill (although I have much respect for anonymous programs...). I've never had a problem with alcohol, because I've never really had anything to drink. I've never even tried smoking. I've never tried any drug. NOTHING. Aside from my emergency C-section and the morphine shot that accompanied it, I am as drug free as a 37 year old can possibly be. Hell, I even got my teeth drilled with no pain meds, by choice!

Over the years, friends have projected their insecurities on this fact- I must be judging them, I must be a prude/stick in the mud, etc etc etc. But I think in reality it comes down to an inkling that perhaps I have an addictive personality. And those substances are addictions that I am not keen on pursuing.

Then again, maybe I am just a boring nerd. Tina Fey says that a lack of curiosity kept her away from drugs, and that is probably my deal too. I'll jump on any bandwagon that has Tina Fey on it. She's my girl crush. (I know, take a number...)